Do I run? Do I hide? Do I dare close my eyes?

I listen to this song several times a week. I've been going through this routine for four years now. It keeps me going :).

The looks of skeptics, skeptics that are religious.

I've resumed my weekly church attendance since Spring semester let out.  I haven't gone often during the year - maybe just a random Sunday here and another there.  Not too many people recognized me at first so they ask about me, including my major.  When I tell them I'm a Government major, they shoot me a surprised look, then bouts of skepticism in their countenances...probably on my character or spirituality.
Don't say that I'm being a little to quick on judging - even with my few 18 (almost 19!) years of life, I've come to experience many variations of skeptics' facial expressions (due to the fact I'm one adamant idealist).

One occasion particularly stuck out at me in a Sunday school session.  We were split into small groups and not all of us knew each other.  We all stated our names, occupations, and your major if you were a student.  At the end, we took turns praying in general, for each other if we felt necessary.  This lady started to pray for me asking God to lead me in the right direction (spiritual-wise, not career-wise) as I pursue the field of knowledge that I am pursuing.  Not that I'm being unappreciative - because I did feel good that someone was praying for me and acknowledged my presence and my background - but I realized afterwards that despite the fact there were quite a few students who stated their majors (that weren't Government), I was evidently the only one who needed that prayer.  I didn't really know how to feel about that.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but there was also another time something just stuck out.  When I raised my hand to be back-up facilitator (someone who keeps it running smoothly, not a spiritual guidance) for the small group, people also gave me shocked expressions.  I mean, sure, that could be for a million different reasons - because I'm young, a new comer, not the most righteously pious person in the world (though you shouldn't even know that yet), etc.  But why act surprised when I take the initiative?  And maybe even, why doubt me?  I am responsible enough to be a facilitator, I wasn't asked to be your spiritual mentor.

Not to mention another story during the icebreaker.  We all secretly wrote down three things about ourselves and balled up the piece of paper and threw it on the ground.  Each one of us randomly picked one up and read it aloud one-at-a-time.  Everyone had to guess which piece of paper corresponded with who.  One said, "I've drank only lemonade once for seven days to lose weight."  Immediately, everyone looked my way.  Seriously?  Why?  That wasn't even me.  Stop pre-judging.

I admit to being a little defensive, and even too assuming myself.  Though I also must inject that there is at least a little driplet of truth in all this.  And I admit to needing infinite improvements upon my character and spirituality.  But just like me, so does everyone else; you can never be done with self-improvement in any and every aspect of living.

This sounds really incoherent and disorganized, but I suppose what I'm trying to communicate is that don't make me, or anyone else for that matter, feel inadequate when going to church.  Instead, make me feel genuinely welcome in addition to saying, "You're welcome here anytime!  Just let me know if you need anything!" or superficially smiling at me.  I'm young but I often can read people's suppressed, or not so suppressed, thoughts rather well.  I've been a big-time Jesus freak once upon a time in my life so I can say that I have the right to claim I know at least a little about what it's like to be really religious.  You don't need to think I'm unaware of how the spiritual life works because I am.  Do I know or practice it in the best way possible?  No, but nobody does, you're just on a higher level than me (or are you?).

In fact, this is how I gradually extracted myself from church in the first place.  Because once I did something wrong, I immediately got all these lectures and advice on how I should be living life...at the ripe, old middle school age, where I have yet to even really experience life itself.  Maybe the matter(s) is/are more serious than I thought but it doesn't necessarily have to be approached in that intimidating and subtly belittling way.  And I'm still young and I still have yet to make the myriads of life mistakes that I inevitably will be making.  It's just life.  I really genuinely am happy for you if you're better than that and I'm extremely glad that you have your head on straight.  But I'm not better than that, and I don't need to be that clone - I'm me, myself, and I, just another young lady who needs some room to grow.

And that's about all I have to say.  For now anyways :).

Primary and secondary education can be so misleading.

Setting: Lecture hall

Circumstance: Class after the class when we got our papers back.
Dialogue: Student - "The TA told me to include more information about this topic in my paper, but I couldn't! The limit was five pages, there was absolutely no way to have more information! I deserve a higher grade - this is ridiculous!"

No, that wasn't me, but it was a fellow classmate. The case for me is typically, "Crystal, you were very inclusive of all the topics but I wish your writing was longer...surely you could have added something else."

At least that was the case in high school. Thankfully, I no longer receive such remarks in the university setting.

Before I entered college, my teachers (not to say all of them) had always grilled me because my essays or any writing-related work was never lengthy enough. I had to make attempts at dumbing down my responses so that I could incorporate more words and more sentences into a paper. I never really saw the point of that but I assumed that it was how the world worked because that's what I was told to do by a person with higher authority.

Turns out, I was training my brain for a lower level of education than I was at.

Now, my professors are stressing to be short, concise, and to-the-point without extra "fluff" or "cushioning" in attempts to seem more intelligent by making a paper longer. I'm glad to say that as I was retrogressively training my brain, I never lost touch with my ability to communicate complete ideas with few words (I received a 96 on that paper well under the 5-page limit, thank you).

Teachers in primary and secondary education should definitely emphasize length in writing because it does include more information and content, especially in youth. However, it should not be priority for it is most certainly not always the case. Teachers, I urge you, if a student has the capability to summarize thoroughly without many words, allow them to. It's unfair to the student if that skill he or she possesses is not fostered and appreciated. It's terribly and very unfortunately misleading and does not contribute to higher education. The above exclamation of my classmate is something I often hear - and it's just sad.

Like Frederich Nietzsche once said, "It is my ambition to say in ten sentences what others say in a whole book."

What a wise feline!

Alice came to a fork in the road.

“Which road do I take?” she asked.

“Where do you want to go?” responded the Cheshire cat.

“I don’t know,” Alice answered.

“Then,” said the cat, “it doesn’t matter.”

My Personality, part II: I account for 2-5% of the entire population

First, a little introduction, from Wikipedia:

"The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) assessment is a pyschometric questionnaire designed to measure psychological preferences in how people perceive the world and make decisions. These preferences were extrapolated from the typological theories proposed by Carl Gustav Jung and first published in his 1921 book Psychological Types (English edition, 1923)."

I'm blogging again. Despite the short time-frame since my last post. I am rewarding myself.

It's mysteriously wondrous how my astrological sign coincides with the official career-finding personality test (MBTI).

I am an ENFJ, the "Mentor," and I account for only 2-5% of the population. Pretty rare, huh?

"ENFJs are externally focused, introspective, altruistic, positive and have excellent people skills. They place utmost importance on helping others grow. They are warm and have a natural desire to be supportive and encouraging. Being charismatic and possessing excellent language skills, they do well in leadership roles. ENFJs strive to enhance the lives of their human brethren." -MyPersonality.info

And I do have bragging rights, thank you...some famous ENFJs include but are not limited to: Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, Jr., Ronald Reagan, and Barack Obama :).

Well, now that you know all about me, I hope you go and find out more about yourself as well! And then, you'll know what your downfalls are and improve upon them - suppress that part of yourself. :)

P.S. One part of my personality description says I am intuitive to the point of knowing whether you're being fake or genuine, telling a truth or telling a lie - so watch out. And if I can't tell you're lying and you are...then wow, you must be a horribly bad person to have mastered the art of lying so skillfully.

On priorities...and being a lion.

By the time I am typing this, I already have a jotted list of six topics to blog about. Ever since summer school started, I have lost time - a tremendous bundle of time indeed! And there is absolutely no way I am going to, nor possibly could find enough sacrificial time, to blog all six right here right now.

Realistically, I should be studying for my exam and reading-dense course. But I once read a marvelous blog by the great Penelope Trunk's Brazen Careerist saying that even the busiest of all people make time to blog. Thus, despite others' opinions, I am making this my number one priority at the moment. Then this thought hits me: I've looked down upon people putting other things before school...how horrible of me!! Because here I am doing the exact same thing - but I don't think it's bad, because blogging is a priority for me. It made me realize people just value different things and it doesn't make them any more or any less of a worthy individual. My priorities are mine, and your priorities are yours.

It's just 30-60 minutes to spare, really - looking up and compiling personality articles then going back to edit this to make sure it's substantially sufficient (I mean, we would all spend an hour procrastinating anyway, right?).

Basically, I just wanted to express my thoughts on how astounding it is that the astrological zodiac personality profiles, as my best friend puts it, "just nails you on the head!" Brace yourself. This is going to be one LONG blog about myself - a Leo, a lion.

According to the sources listed at the bottom of this entry:

Already, superficial qualities are more or less pinpointed:

-"...athletic and energetic...Many look a bit like lions, with smooth cheekbones, large faces, thick wavy hair and catlike eyes...[With] a tendency to put on excess weight due to overindulgence. Most Leos eat and drink too much."

The first and last parts are especially true. That's why I run constantly to keep from gaining weight.

At my best:

At my worst:

Sources:

How Stuff Works, Mystical Blaze, Erupting Mind, Suite101.com

Too democratic? Possibly.

We're reading this book in one of the courses I'm taking this summer. It's so insightfully provocative (and undoubtedly, some of my friends would have strong things to say to this author).

But it's amazing. It gives a rather disturbing reason as to why American government, specifically the Legislative Branch, is not functioning as smoothly and not serving the Americans to its full potential.

Congress has been trying to reform itself to satisfy the American hunger for more democratic-ness. But all that effort has turned out to have terrible unintended consequences. Let me try to explain what Fareed Zakaria has so expertly done so. Though I really cannot communicate anything nearly as well so I strongly advise you to read this enlightening and endearing book.

Let's take his example of election campaign funding reforms. Previously, extremely wealthy individuals were able to contribute large sums of money (millions even) to their preferred candidates for the campaigns. Now the limit is set to $1,000 per American's donation and $5,000 of contribution from political parties. Not even for the ever-evil and unfair PACs could exceed $5,000 donations. Thus, instead of candidates putting effort into campaigning with promises of more substance and quality - they are running around trying to impress the broad interests of the American masses in order to fund-raise and secure spending money.

Another example - lobbyists and interest groups. Yes, you're right, they serve the people's interests to have laws passed in their favor. But guess what? There's way too many interests and way too many people - and the government, under no circumstances, can satisfy all these wants efficiently. People are constantly complaining about the allocation of funds and how the government is spending too much money. Well, that's because money are spent on pointless things (such as asparagus competition, yes this is real). But why do Congressmen vote to fulfill these pointless and non-beneficial wishes? Because if they don't, a lobbyist or interest group member will immediately phone supporters and have them bombard the Representative with phone calls, emails, and faxes in a matter of seconds.

STOP PLACING BLAME ON OUR POLITICIANS. Much of the blame is to be put on US! We're too selfish and we want Congress to fulfill our every want. These individuals have to satisfy us so that they can receive our votes despite inefficiency. Their work is spread out too much and progress cannot be made as a consequence. Government functioned more competently back when deliberations were allowed to be made behind closed doors and not every Representative's vote was recorded next to their name for the public to see. FDR was able to implement the New Deal because he was able to cut off dumb, useless funding for things like asparagus (I keep using this one example because it portrays the ridiculousness of certain allocations of funding but there are MANY, MANY more just like it) to use the money to actually help the greater good of America rather than on pluralistically minuscule purposes. We need to stop fighting for ourselves as an individual but instead start to support our elected Congressmen by fighting for ourselves as a collective body of American citizens.

Oh, and stop hating on the President. Thanks.

Nutty Bars are so full of wisdom

I bought Nutty Bars from the grocery store today. Delicious, yes? Mhm!

As usual, I am a peculiar little lady and I have a need to read the boxes of my food comprehensively as I chew.

I read on the back of the box:

"Enter Online For Your Chance to Win!

www.littledebbie.com

[insert airplane picture here]

Celebrating 50 years of great taste and value!

Enter "The Great American Getaway," and you could win...2 roundtrips to any AirTran Airways destination in the continental United States, and a $200 cash card..."

What?! Seriously...? It's "The Great American Getaway" and we only get a $200 cash card with our roundtrips? What a rip-off! Okay, pause, before you say, "My, my! Crystal! What a spoiled little child you are; some people would really appreciate this" - I must defend myself by stating that I am not spoiled (thank you) and I do realize that this would come especially handy for college students such as myself...or any other average American. And YES, I do have another point I want to make.

I kept thinking to myself, would it be worth it to enter? I mean...what can you really do with $200? And then I bring myself back to the age-old saying quoted by many, many heroic figures, "Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by what you bring to life." Ah, yes...

We Americans can find it rather easy to blow $200, especially on vacation. If we win this sweepstakes by Little Debbie, life has given us $200. We would go out to eat, buy some cool souvenirs, grab some Italian ice on that cart nearby...the money could disappear in a day and then we don't have enough! But why? Why should we spend it on something as trivial as food? Of course we need nourishment but why not just go to the local grocery store and get some cheap food there? Why can't we find more delightful and tantalizing ways to spend the money? Let's bring something to life through the money - even if selfishly! Look up some odd attractions to where you visit - spend your money there. Do something more fulfilling and whimsical. It will certainly be more fulfilling than food, at least in the long run. If you do something like this, then the little $200 can go a loooong way.

And so, upon this thought, I decided to enter the sweepstakes. I pull up www.littledebbie.com...and I see the sweepstakes ended in may. DAMN. Just my luck. Well, now I'm prepared for the next sweepstakes with my contemplation of entering already thought out :).

The Cloud of Loveliness...

...is truly quite lovely!

I absolutely adore Google Chrome. It's by far the best internet browser I have used, ever. It's super fast and super...well, gorgeous. There's this snazzy, smooth touch to it and you can use whatever theme you choose - most of them just perfect and designed by great designers such as Cath Kidston, Oscar de la Renta, Badegley Mischka, etc. I used to have the Cath Kidston theme because it was rather feminine and dainty. Now, I have "The Cloud of Loveliness" by Edward Monkton. Look at the screenshot below; isn't it just so perfectly sunny?

"The Simple Thought That Could Change Your Life"

I picked this up from a Glamour.com article. It rings quite true. It comes off as cheesy but if you would just read it...just some food for thought:

"Think of your life as a tree or a plant (stay with me here), and recognize that some things wither and die back (bad jobs or dead-end relationships, for instance)--just a fact of life. Instead of pouring out your energy into those dead zones, focus on the new growth budding beneath the surface (a new career passion, a rekindled friendship that brings you joy, a health or fitness goal) and turn your attention to those things, letting the old die away. What you focus your energy on will grow."

Mother Nature does know best. :)

MOJO JOJO to the RESCUE!!

Because I am a girl in which nostalgia permeates her to the very core 95% of the time, I do clicks and flips through old photos late at night before I go to bed (this often comes from Facebook because it's up and ready for me to look at on my laptop...which is on my nightstand 9 times out of 10).

There are certain photos that strike me each time - I suppose it's whatever I'm in the mood for. Tonight, the photo above struck me in particular. I think it was one of those dead AP Exam review days at the end of Senior year in high school. My three closest friends and I were sitting in the imprisoning Calculus BC classroom. I do believe we were all bored...just sitting there...wallowing in stress...Let the Good Lord help us. And I guess this was just kind of our humorous release from it all. I don't really recall how it started - but I do recall being totally and completely repulsed by one of my friends because she liked the Powerpuff Girl, Buttercup. I hate Buttercup completely and utterly; she is very simply absolutely despicable. But that's besides the point.

The point is, I've come to realize I have a problematically difficult time letting go of the past. Not quite as in I remember all the horrible memories and hold grudges or am overcome by regret or anything like that. It is something more along the lines of, "Oh, how I wish I could've continued to live in that moment." But then again, my scrambling mind often takes me into daydreams of the great things I'd accomplish in the future and blah de blah de blah. The thing is, I never appreciate the present. I mean, I do live in the present - quite often, in fact. But do I ever find myself in gratitude because of what is happening rather than what had happened or what could happen? Nah. No. Never. Wow, I stink.

I've come to a revelation...a realization in which I could or could not have come across in the past before and just completely forgot (because I do this quite often, and also why I decided to blog so I can conquer all my racing thoughts and my inability to materialize them). Nevertheless, the revelation is that, it's not enough to live in the present. I have to make an effort to just breathe and scan all around me. Just observe and turn my head 180 degrees, 360 degrees, or anywhere in between - you know, whichever I prefer or whatever my line of sight is limited to. And then I need to tell myself how absolutely delightful it is to witness a guy with three piercings on his eyebrow (oh, and on his nose and ears) or to wonder why in the world that lady of at least 40 is wearing a cut-off denim miniskirt while pushing a stroller (or maybe she just over-baked and her skin is now too much like leather). Why? Because those are the things that keep your mind oiled and your thoughts entertained. And it will keep me from sloshing around in bittersweet memories or stresses of things to come. I laugh whole-heartedly but I want to live in my laughter as well.

So, I suppose from now on I can try to digest the potentially engaging adventures in present life rather than regurgitating it all immediately after I lay my eyes upon whatever current setting I am in...including now in which I am presently reveling in the delicious, minty flavor of my sugar-free gum that I am about to spit out and then get some shut-eye. :)