Running away from the glitzy life

I'm inspired to write this as I look at the section of my wardrobe that I haven't really touched since college started.  I see cheetah, snake skin, metallic lace, embellishments of both rhinestone and hardware.

Ooh and the shoes...once upon a time I was into metallics and stilettos and studded pumps.  And I bought at least three pairs of shoes each month.  Obsession?  Very much so.

Not to mention I was obsessed with all these different types of anti-aging creams (thanks to mother) and made a trip to buy make-up ever so quite often.

When did I become so afraid of these things?

I've resorted to wearing the more conservative of my closet; full of cottons, linens, delicate lace, and delicate silk.  Shoes have taken a step down on the glamour scale as well.  Make-up?  I only replenish as needed  Any new additions to my possessions are all equally conservative.

When did I shy away from it all?
I don't really know.

Was it because my family started to struggle financially due to our sudden up-and-off to Texas?  Or am I just horrified of getting the wrong type of attention from guys?  Or do I not have as much time to think about my outfits?  It could be a little of all those and more.

But what I really want to ask myself is, "Why are you so afraid to disregard all of that and just be you?" (aside from the financial trouble, that is.)  I never touch that side of my closet anymore.  Hell, I've shuffled through it maybe once or twice all year.  I've always been a firm believer in just being yourself, restrained if the social setting need be, but always be bursting of your own personality, let the world see who you are.  But the hypocrite that I am!  I look at clothing while browsing online and in malls, gazing longingly, wondering why I don't have the motivation to buy anything as impulsively as I would have before.  It could be that I have matured and don't go blowing my money like before - but I do blow my money, on restaurants and going out to eat instead.  I once sacrificed tasty meals outside of my home in order to buy glitzy and flashy (but not show-y!) apparel, but that is no more.  So it's just got to be me not being comfortable with myself.

I started to type this blog post in order to resolve it all but I am stalled, reluctant to point my finger at the one glaringly obvious reason as to why I've strayed away from pursuing a glitzy life.  I hate being underestimated.  I hate people thinking I'm not capable and I hate that I think I'm not capable.  I feel like I need to dress more "serious" in order to gain the brownie points that I think I should deserve.  I've never been a student who much cared for taking into heart learning anything I wasn't interested in.  In fact, I would sit there, stare, read my textbook/notes over and over again for hours and not gain a bit of knowledge.  This was the case for two of my classes last semester (my sincerest gratitudes to required liberal arts introductory courses, not.).  My GPA dipped, and I know that's one little number that has long-range consequences.  So whenever I applied for anything or told someone what my GPA is (not that it's actually that low but when you're trying for something very competitive, it's a whole 'nother ball game), I panicked and was downright terrified of judgment.  But once I started taking my upper-division, major-pertaining courses this summer, my grades shot up with, what I think, a lot less time and effort.  I slowly started to realize that I've got a few more years in college and a lot more opportunities for grades.  But the horror of telling people my GPA is still ingrained in my mind and that was how I was taught to measure success my entire life.

It's funny how me "running away from the glitzy life" all stems from my fear of being underestimated for not having a near-perfect GPA. Life's such a baffling thing.  And I suppose I shall just continue un-baffling it.

Politicians are evil?

I am long overdue for a new blog post.  Summer school turned out to be more hectic than I had expected.

On another note, this post will be about my potential future occupation, as a politician that is.  It's funny because I kind of always wanted to but was never sure if I would pursue such a thing outside of any kind of student government.  But my parents actually truly believe that I "will be famous one day so a name with an easier pronunciation is necessary."  They even made me sign papers the other night changing Crystal to my first name and changing my original Chinese first name into my middle name.  Thank you mother and father for forever looking out for my future, even in the most unexpected ways.

"I've got the greatest job in the world.  There's no other job in government where cause and effect is so tightly coupled where you can make a difference every day in so many different ways and in so many different people's lives.  It's a great challenge."  -Michael Bloomberg, mayor of NYC 

Before you say anything about how he's the 8th richest person in the country or how he changed NY law to be able to run for a third-term, or even just the fact that he's a politician using his rhetoric to better his image - the quote above is truth.  My professor in my government class, The American President, was lecturing about how support for presidents usually results in their better performance because they're encouraged by the American people and are consequently more confident and clear-minded about anything they implement.  He started talking about how support was crucial because people drawn to these kinds of careers are what we call "people persons."  Their successes and achievements often feed off of the energy that is derived from other people's approval.  They're extremely social beings and they need public acceptance.  That's when a light bulb went off in my head.

The lecture resonated with me.  I realized that I was always drawn to student government elections in high school and now the student government in college because that's exactly who I am, a "people person."  I feel my best when people praise me and are appreciative of me, and I tend to get horribly discouraged when someone criticizes me, particularly in a harsh manner.  I do more things to help other people than myself because I have this natural affinity to make people happy.  And though many people's views may differ from mine, I think politicians are, at the core, genuinely good people with good intentions.  I'm not surprised if a lot of them turn to some corruption because the political world is an unforgivingly trying arena full of trials, threats, and risks.  But I am a believer (or as some people may say, too much of an optimist) that when they are governing the people of the United States, they are using their best judgments on what is best for their constituents that they are accountable to.  I actually rather absolutely hate it, and it appalls me, when people say that politicians are evil or that they are just rich, powerful elites who don't give a care in the world about the average middle-class or working-class citizens.  I don't really think that's true.  They're "people persons" and they work to strive for your happiness and satisfaction.

Also, my best friend and I got in a mini-debate online, maybe somewhat heated on my part, about the support for Obama.  I, being a political moderate, will really support any President in which I interpret them to be genuinely finding the most efficient and best possible means to administer to the public.  That being said, I am an Obama supporter because I do believe that he's really trying in such tough economic times as these.  But my best friend, like most die-hard South Carolinian Republicans, pretty much does not approve of him. And I don't really blame her because surveys show that people have high opinions of a President's success given that the President follows their ideological beliefs.  So basically, no president can ever satisfy all of America's individuals.  Though this led me to think, it doesn't really matter if we approve of the President or not, does it?    I think what the American public really should do is be constructively (rather than destructively) critical to Obama and support him for future endeavors, or any president really.  He's not evil, he's not a bad person - he's just faced with enormous pressures that would make anybody's head spin.  Would you do any better?

Hope for the best and have a little faith.

Define respect. And we'll see if we get anywhere.

STOP.  I know you're about to use the dictionary.  Unacceptable.  We should all know the definition of "respect" by now.  Do it yourself.

What?  Don't know?

Well, of course!  It's just about a more hackneyed of a word than any.  It was definitely one of the first "Character Words" that school/family/church have been engraving into our heads as soon as we were able to understand concepts.

The most fitting definition, in my context, that Dictionary.com gives:

deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment

I've come to realize respect is the key to all things interpersonal.  And I think the most important form respect of all is self-respect, but I will discuss that at the end.  There are a few other "respects"  I would like to highlight.

Respect for diversity.  This is not only ethnically, religiously, and blahblah-ly.  I'm sure that has been reinforced and advocated enough in America so it does not need any further explanations.  If you are not beyond that point, I am sorry, but, that is a little sad.
I used to think I could change people, for the better.  I would say things along the lines of "Why can't you see if you just put a little more passion into your life, you can do great, amazing, awesome things?!"  (This is because I am an ambitious idealist.  And a perfectionist.  I'm aware that the latter isn't good for me but you can't change me!)  I used to think that a career with prestige, good looks of a god(dess), and a character that so-naturally attracts swarms of people to you were everybody's wants.  I would then embark on all these tasks to almost force people to view the world the way I do, and when they didn't, it frustrated me tremendously (like you don't even know).  For example, I would never understand a girl who wants to be a stay-at-home-mom.  What a horrible condition to be in!  However, that's just me and I'll be the one spending too much money on a nanny.
Another example:  If you watch the TV series Lost, you know that Kate burns her mother's abusive boyfriend's house, killing him.  Then she gives the house's insurance money to her mother.  Her mother still turns her in to the police despite this great criminal act of saintliness.  Why does her mother do this?  "Because you can't help who you love."  But Kate just didn't get it.
Our lives are shaped by our individual experiences.  You can't just make people view the world the way you do - why not try viewing the world how they do?  Why not try to respect this diversity?

Next, self-respect.  This is way too broad of a concept, I'm going to break it down.

1)  Self-respect for your health.  Hello obesity-ridden America!  Why in the world are magazines showing "real girls" by showing overweight ones?!  This is NOT an issue of body image, it's your health for goodness'
 sake!  Please, do your family and friends a favor and do not die at the age of 40.  Also, there is a positive correlation between body image and healthfulness.

2)  Self-respect in your public.  Okay, this isn't only self-respect but it also has to do with respect for others.  And this particular topic can also be taken very superficially.  But you've got to clean yourself up before heading out in public.  Look nice, feel nice.  It's also respect for anyone  you end up approaching that day.  Why do people dress up for work?  To show that they have enough respect for those around them to take the time for a presentable self-presentation.  That would also lead to others respecting you.
Let me give you one very non-seeming example.  In the seventh grade, my friend Stacey invited me to her pool birthday party.  I was feeling lazy the day of her party and simply put on my bathing suit and threw on an old t-shirt with bleached spots.  The next conversation followed:
Mutual friend:  Did you know your shirt was bleached?
Me:  Yeah, but I figured, it's just Stacey's party you know.
(Though I realized what I had said immediately after it came out of my mouth...)
Mutual friend, with detected sarcasm:  Wow, that's so nice of you.
Basically, I just demonstrated my lack of respect for this girl and her birthday party by not looking nice.
I think I just made my case.

Clothes make the man.  -Mark Twain

3)  Self-respect in your relationships.  There are two cases of this:  friendships and romantic relationships.
Once upon a time, I'd buy my friends something rather pricey that they'd wanted for a long time and would be terribly irritated if I received a less-than-marvelous gift back.  But that was me when I didn't have respect for myself in those friendships.  I would give them something nice to gain their appreciation and then expect to be appreciated in return (I still like to feel appreciated though).  But that was a stupid motive.  If I had enough self-respect then, I wouldn't give a care in the world if they gave me a nice, pricey, long-desired gift; I'd be satisfied just giving that present to them and not expect anything in return because I feel sufficient within myself.
Boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are included as well.  I've never had a serious boyfriend and I used to blame myself for being fickle and mean and just downright terrified of commitment (which I kind of am, but that's not the only reason as to why I have been boyfriend-less).  I used to feel smothered in every situation, like the boy was too eager or holding on too hard or something.  And then it hit me one day, maybe it was because they didn't have enough self-respect?  I mean, it would make sense.  They're scared, insecure that I wouldn't be able to stay with them by seeing the good in being with them.  There's no respect for themselves to let them trust me with my own judgment as to whether or not they would make a good potential boyfriend or not.  Lack of confidence and respect = lack of attraction.  Not to mention, being invasive-ly persistent is just creepy.

I'm sure there are so many different respects of "respect" (Haha, pun!  Get it?), like with your parents and educators.  But I think those can all fall under at least in some way in the above categories.  I mean, I can't possibly have them all for you.  I'm 18 going on 19 - I've still got a lot of respect to learn in life, along with everything else.  But this is just my piece of thought for the day :). (Also, I apologize for this abrupt ending.)