I'm Not Who I Was

I do believe my first time ever hearing this song was from 89.7 WMHK (the Contemporary Christian radio station of Columbia, SC). I had to Google it ASAP when I got home. At first it was the breathy beats that caught my ear - then I Google-ed the lyrics upon discovering which song it was. The 5th-7th stanzas were especially relevant to my life...and now, I often wonder what had happened to my crazy devotion to Jesus? I want to grow spiritually again - but I also don't want to. I don't feel ready to open my heart fully and completely dependently again to God quite yet.

My life was very similar to the song, for I really weren't who I was (refer to 5th stanza). But now, I reverted back. It's sad, I know.

Lyrics to "I'm Not Who I Was"

I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was
I used to be mad at you
A little on the hurt side too
But I'm not who I was

I found my way around
To forgiving you
Some time ago
But I never got to tell you so

I found us in a photograph
I saw me and I had to laugh
You know, I'm not who I was
You were there, you were right above me
And I wonder if you ever loved me
Just for who I was

When the pain came back again
Like a bitter friend
It was all that I could do
To keep myself from blaming you

I reckon it's a funny thing
I figured out I can sing
Now I'm not who I was
I write about love and such
Maybe 'cause I want it so much
I'm not who I was

I was thinking maybe I
I should let you know
I am not the same
But I never did forget your name
Hello

Well the thing I find most amazing
In amazing grace
Is the chance to give it out
Maybe that's what love is all about

I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was