It's okay to refuse to settle.

I hate it when people tell me to "calm down," "take it easy," or "you don't need to work so hard."  It frustrates me and I don't want to comply.  But I admit that I have, on many occasions, given in to this negative peer pressure.  At least when I don't surround myself with other more industrious people.

Before, I used to think that maybe I was spreading myself a little too thin for naught.  Then I'd go take a break and go run along with my "friends" (that aren't so much friends anymore).  And every time I'd give in, I'd get this horrific at-the-pit-of-my-stomach kind of feeling later.  I regretted it.  I felt guilty.  I hated myself.  And now I wish I did spread myself even thinner.

I like to talk with people that strive for more.  I like it because I find someone that I can identify with or look up to.  It makes me feel better that there are people in this world who don't try to keep me down.  Not to mention, I'm a very people-oriented person and I let people influence me, even if it's just a tad (unless I just downright don't have anything in common with them).  I know I always have to be on the look-out because of this.  I think this is why I've withdrawn myself from people in my personal life this summer.  I've kept all connections and relationships at bay, at a distance - a distance in which they cannot affect me in most manners (except I trying to imitate their good qualities).  During the last Fall and Spring semesters, I'd always have to study with someone.  For the Summer semester, I've been all alone, and I love it.  I can feed off of my own ever-whirring energy.

I've learned that it's okay to push yourself to the limit and only take a break when you're really burned-out.  Maybe most of the other people don't agree with me but they're not the ones that should be defining my life.  I will be defining my life from now on - just me, solely me.  And I will do it in a way in which I won't have to feel that horrific at-the-pit-of-my-stomach kind of feeling.